The Mute Drug

It is imperative that I invent a drug or chemical or something that renders my children mute for a period of time.  I understand that this drug has the propensity to be abused, but that is not my intent.  Really it isn't.  I only want to use it when I take my children to the doctor.  My children become pathological liars upon entering a doctor's office.

My son broke his nose last February playing baseball.  Several months ago, the Orthodontist took a bunch of pictures of my son's head to show how the braces had made everything better.  In one of the pictures you could clearly see a deviated septum.  The Orthodontist asked my son if he had trouble breathing or sleeping with the deviation.  My son said no.  NO!  He clearly said NO!  This week I took him to the ENT to address the deviated septum.  As an aside, it is quite possible that the ENT had to get a ride to work from his mother.  There is no way he is old enough to have a valid driver's license.  Anyway, the first thing Junior asked my son was, "Do you have trouble breathing?"  And I hear, "Yes" come out of The Boy's mouth. YES!  Since when?  Junior then asked him which nostril was blocked and causing the phantom troubled breathing and my son told him it was the left.  After examining his nostrils, Junior said, "That's interesting because the deviation is on the right".  On the right.  The Boy doesn't even know which nostril is causing him to have trouble breathing!

In May, my daughter got hit in the eye with a baseball while warming up for a game.  It was ugly.  Great big old knot that turned into a really tough looking black eye.  It has all healed, but her eye is still somewhat discolored.  Something you need to know about my daughter, she has never, and I mean NEVER, had a thought in her head that did not eventually come out of her mouth.  NEVER!  We went to the Pediatrician this week and asked about the discoloration.  The doctor asked if it hurt and I hear this child tell her yes. Yes!  The doctor looked at me and I told her I've never heard that before and my child says, "I haven't told my parents that it hurts".  Again, never a thought in her head that doesn't eventually make its way out of her mouth! That was four days ago and I still haven't heard a thing about that eye hurting.  That's because we haven't been in a doctor's office since.

I would love to tell you that these are two isolated events, but they aren't.  They lie when we're at the doctor's office.  This is why I need a Mute Drug!